The Energy To Should
We all have a list of SHOULDS – things we know we should do…things we want to do…things that would make life better if we did them…things we encourage others to do…things we believe ‘good’ people do.
We also have a list of SHOULD NOTS – things we sometimes do (usually when we’re sad, stressed, lonely, depleted, etc) that we wish we didn’t…things that are harmful, destructive, or simply not best for us…things that keep us from living life with joy and enthusiasm, even if they feel good in the moment.
We all have a list of SHOULDS. We all have a list of SHOULD NOTS.
How do I know?
Well, for starters, I’m human. I’ve lived almost 49 years on this planet. I’ve created my own lists of shoulds and should nots through the years, and I’ve talked to and observed enough other humans to reasonably assume I’m not the exception to the rule.
The other reason I know we all have shoulds and should nots is that multiple times each month I have the privilege of doing a 2-Day LifePlan with someone, and early on Day One we always do an exercise to get a sense of where that person is during their current season of life.
We look at all major domains of their life, and I ask them four questions over and over and over again:
What’s RIGHT in this area that needs to be OPTIMIZED?
What’s WRONG in this area that needs to CHANGE?
What’s CONFUSED in this area that needs to be CLARIFIED?
What MISSING from this area that needs to be ADDED?
Pause for a moment.
No, better yet, do a full stop.
Set this blog post aside and do this.
Think through
the various
domains
of your
own life
and ask
those
four
Q’s.
Seriously, take an hour now
or sometime this week
and take a serious look at your life.
Do it with a computer in front of you.
Or maybe you work better with paper and pen.
Whichever is more comfortable, take an hour and really examine the current state of your life in 4 domains:
1. Personal – This is how you’re currently doing physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. What’s right? What’s wrong? What’s confused? What’s missing?
2. Family – This is about the current state of your immediate family and any relevant extended family. (You’ll have to decide for yourself what ‘relevant’ extended family means for you.) What’s right? What’s wrong? What’s confused? What’s missing?
3. Vocation – This is how you feel about where you’re at in your career and what’s happening in your current role and relationships at work. What’s right? What’s wrong? What’s confused? What’s missing?
4. Community – This is about how things are going with your neighbors, your close friends, your gym, your place of worship, the nonprofits you volunteer at, the teams and organizations you or your kids are a part of, and so on. What’s right? What’s wrong? What’s confused? What’s missing?
Once you’ve completed this exercise, sit back and ponder what’s in front of you.
This is your list.
It’s your list of what you believe you should optimize, change, clarify, or add in order to have the best possible life. It’s your list of what ‘good’ people do with their lives.
This is your list of shoulds and should nots.
Now, go back through the list and put an “!” next to anything you have full control over, a “+” next to anything you have partial control over, and a giant “x” through anything you have zero control over. (If you’re being completely honest, there will be few, if any, items you cross out completely.)
What you’ve just done is very, very similar to the exercise I do with LifePlan clients, and to a person, when they see all of this laid out in front of them on a giant chart, they have 2 immediate, but opposite, emotional reactions:
1. They’re HUMBLED or DISAPPOINTED, because they realize how much control they actually have over their lists of shoulds and should nots. They’re humbled or disappointed, because they could be doing something about almost everything on their chart, but they’re not.
And, at the same time…
2. They’re ENCOURAGED and HOPEFUL, because now they see it in black and white; and it’s obvious that they can decide to be the person they desire to be. They have the power. They have control.
YOU have the power.
YOU have control.
So, why are you (and so many others) not taking control?
Why are your lists so long…so undone?
There are a few possible reasons:
Maybe you’re lazy.
Maybe you’re afraid of trying and failing.
Maybe you’re afraid of change.
Maybe you don’t wanna rock the status quo boat.
Maybe you’ve decided you’re okay with a less than life.
Maybe all sorts of things
BUT I DON’T BELIEVE THAT’S TRUE OF YOU.
I don’t believe you’d be reading a blog like this…
I don’t believe you would’ve taken the time to do the exercise outlined above…
I don’t believe you’d be following an organization like Hayah on social media…
…if these were your reasons for not exercising the power and control you have.
No, I think the reason your list of shoulds and should nots continues to grow is because…
Y O U
A R E
T I R E D
You lack the requisite energy.
You have the best of intentions.
You make plans to implement change.
But by the time you’ve fulfilled all of your obligations…
At work
At home
In the community
You have nothing left.
Your tank is empty.
Y O U
A R E
S P E N T
And let’s be honest, living an epic life requires an enormous amount of energy…energy that’s generally used up and consumed by the humdrum, everyday-ness of a normal life.
And this is where the idea of a
REPLENISHMENT CYCLE
comes into play.
You see; normal, everyday life will always require energy…a lot of energy. There’s no getting around it.
So, if you’re working from an average person’s energy supply, you’ll always have a list of shoulds and should nots…you’ll always have a vision or dream of what could be…but any kind of long term, sustained experience of that vision will always elude you…
If you’re working from an average person’s energy supply.
But what if you could increase your energy supply?
What if you could live from a deep well of energy?
What if you had an almost super-human energy?
What kind of life would you live then?
What if you had the energy to should?
You can have that kind of energy,
and it’s actually a lot easier
than you would think.
It’ll take work.
It’ll take vigilance and intentionality.
It’ll require a certain level of selfishness.
But if you’ll do the work.
If you’ll become rigorously intentional.
If you’ll be selfish with a few hours of your week.
You’ll have the energy to be selfless with all the others.
And you’ll have the energy to should.
The energy to live an epic life.
It’s all about replenishment.
Regular.
Consistent.
Replenishment.
You have to build a plan to replenish your energy reserves so that when you’ve fulfilled all of your obligations you still have fuel in your tank to do the things you should and the will to avoid all the things you shouldn’t.
And building that plan is as simple as this:
Make a long list of things that fill you up when you do them…things that make you come alive. You want things on your list that increase your physical energy. You want some things that refresh you mentally. You want some that stimulate your brain and some that calm your nerves and put a smile on your face. You want some things that take you to a good head space. There should be a thing or two on there that when you’re doing them it’s next to impossible for you to be in a bad mood…things that are emotionally healthy for you. And there should be some things that make you feel connected spiritually, or if you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, there should be things that move you at a soul level…things that transport you to another plane.
These can be things you used to do that you’ve stopped doing. They can be things you’ve always wanted to try but never have. They can even be things you’re currently doing but want to do with greater intentionality and consistency.
Have your list?
Awesome!
Now, pick out the 5 things that make the greatest impact on you…the 5 things that make you most fully alive when you do them…the 5 things that you could do for days and days and days because when you’re done and you’re feeling that good ‘tired,’ if someone asked you to do it again tomorrow, you’re response would be an immediate “YES!”
You get the idea?
Next, give some thought to how often you need to do each of those things to be functioning at your optimum energy level.
Is it daily?
5x/week?
Once a week?
Okay, now how long each time you do it?
A whole day?
A half day?
An hour?
Or is it the sort of thing that if you get to do it for 15 minutes a day it’ll give you just the boost of energy you need to sustain you for a few hours?
How often do you need to do each thing and for how long each time?
Note: This is not about what’s practical given your current lifestyle.
This is about what’s necessary for you to increase your experience of life
and energy so that you can live the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Finally, make a plan. Be intentional. Be consistent. Be selfish. Carve out the time in your schedule for the next 30 days to activate the Replenishment Cycle you’ve developed and see if at the end of those 30 days you haven’t been able to…
Be more selfless with all your other hours
Do more and more of the things you should
Resist the temptation to give in to more and more of the things you should not
Intentionally, consistently, and selfishly live your Replenishment Cycle for 30 days and see if your energy, your satisfaction, and your contribution don’t all increase exponentially.
Learn to make time for replenishment and see if you don’t make giant strides towards the epic life you’ve always dreamed of…see if you don’t have the energy to should.
At the end of 30 days, you will have increased your energy supply…a little.
At the end of 60 days, you will have increased your energy supply…a little more.
At the end of 90 days, you will have increased your energy supply…a little more still.
At the end of 365 days, you will have increased your energy supply…to a seemingly super-human level!
To help you get started with your list, here are a few examples of the things my clients have made a part of their personal Replenishment Cycles:
Workout 5x/week for 1 hour
Walk the dog daily for 20 minutes
Introvert Day (hoodie on, under a blanket, reading or watching movies) 1x/month
Get into nature for 3-4 hours 1x/month
Play guitar for 30 minutes 5-6 nights/week
Experience live music 1x/month
Get waste-deep in water 1x/week
Learn a new skill (half day minimum each month)
Work on my car 2-3 hours each Saturday
Paint 1 night/week for 2 hours
Plan a monthly stay-cation for my wife
Train for a marathon
Read fiction 30-60 minutes/day
Read for personal development 15 minutes every morning
Shadow box 3-5 minutes, 4x/day
Sing my heart out 1x/week
Top-down driving for 3+ hours 1x/month
Get my hands in the dirt of the garden 1x/week
Be part of a large crowd (sporting event, concert, etc) at least 1x/month
Write poetry minimum of 3x/week for 30-45 min
Read my Bible for 20-30 minutes every morning
Connect with a friend over a long, casual meal with no technology present 1x/mo
Experience a good story (2-3 hours/week)
Off-road adventure (half day, 1x/month)
Make a meal from scratch for good friends (1x/week)
Trying/Buying shoes 1x/mo for 2-3 hours
Attend a baseball game 1x/mo
Dance with abandon (1x/day…minimum 5 minutes)
Go to mass 1x/week
Date night with my partner (1x/week, 3-4 hours)
This list is by no means exhaustive, but you get the idea – pick 5 things you will do consistently that fill you with life and energy; start by committing to them for 30 days; then once you see the benefits and you see how doable it is and how much happier the people in your life are, make a plan to continuously activate and enjoy your Replenishment Cycle.
When you do, you’ll find you always have…
