Mentoring & Being Mentored At The Crossroads
Written by Kim Allen
Crossroads:
A decision point ; a turning point or opportunity to change direction, course, or goal.
Crossroads are a natural part of life and I’ve experienced many of them.
They seem to be most noticeable at those “decade” birthdays when I can’t believe I’m already 30, 40, 50 and beyond. “How did I get this old so fast?” Or when I’m on vacation. I tend to take “bucket list” vacays and it’s the time when I look around at my surroundings and think: “I can work here. I just need to sell everything I own and move”.
The momentary sense of urgency to make an immediate, life changing decision seems to come upon me...and THAT’S when I realize the importance of a mentor.
In the past 20 months or so, our current pandemic state has revealed to us, one of the most uncertain times in our lives. When we add the current social and political issues to the mix, we pause to consider: What is essential for a navigating this life journey in a healthy and productive way?
Mentoring is no longer just about your professional life and career.
Whether you are searching for a mentor or want to mentor, know that your involvement in another person’s life yields a tremendous impact. Research has shown that each of us influences at least 10,000 people during our lifetime! So, whether you desire to empower a colleague, be a thought partner or encourage your children, the first step is to raise your gaze from self to others.
We all have some measure of influence so the question is not whether you will influence someone but how you will use your influence. Like investing in the stock market, you can’t expect to make a fortune in one day. What matters most is what you do, over the long haul. Mentoring, for both parties, is a long-term commitment and with a few steps, it can be beneficial.
When I’m asked to be a mentor, I seek simplicity...no cool graphics or charts.
Since I lean more toward being a non-linear, verbal thinker, I rely on easy going, genuine conversation that leads to discovery. This works for me because when seeking a mentor, the barriers of shyness, embarrassment or even overconfidence are lessened when this time is approached in a conversational manner. My approach is to keep it real, accessible, and easy to replicate, so the person I’m mentoring can utilize a similar approach with others.
So, let’s begin...
1. “I don't know what I don't know”
How many times have I reached this crossroad, trying to figure out my next step or a new role? This is a time of discovery and establishing trust for both the mentor and mentee. Therefore, a good mentor uses this time to listen, listen and listen some more. Being slow to speak except to ask clarifying questions. The length of time in this phase can vary and it often dependent upon how quickly a trusting relationship is established. This is a delicate and critical phase of cultivating empathy and self-awareness.
2. “I know what I don't know”
Progress is being made when you reach this part of the journey. Although it may feel like two steps backward, it really is progress. It’s during this stage that an individual can “name it”...that challenge or obstacle they are holding on to or that is blocking their way. They have now gotten to the root of the problem, and this brings about a great deal of agency and choice, which are the key to a sense of well-being.
3. “I see my growth, know what to do and it’s time to show it”
It sounds simple: set a new goal, let go of the bad stuff and it’s all good, right? But letting go can be hard, especially when you had good reasons to hang on to old ways and habits in the first place. This is your time of awakening and freedom if you allow it to be. With your goals and a new outlook in mind, you can begin to reflect, reinvest, and redesign your life in a way that clearly points you in the right direction.
4. “Rinse and repeat”
At this point I would love to place a giant bow on top of this however, just because you have your eyes opened to some good practices or strategies doesn’t necessarily mean you “got it”. Remember, it takes time to consistently practice and own them. The comfort of what used to work can creep in and that’s when you will need to reflect and reinvest in your new self-discoveries. It may mean a quick check-in with your mentor and/or reviewing the steps on your own.
As I close this post, I am reminded of the closing scene in the Tom Hanks movie, Castaway. As he stands at that intersection, it emphasizes a truth that life can be unclear and complicated. Even when we think we have it all figured out, there will be other crossroads to tackle... for the rest of our lives. This is not a bad thing; it is just how we continue to grow and evolve.
The keys to successfully navigating the journey lie in our ability to pause and be still, look at the map again and remind ourselves of the original journey.
Who knows, perhaps it will show you that it’s time for new journey.
